Sorry about that. I was having a moment.
I’ve struggled with depression all my life. I distinctly remember one December as a child not caring about Christmas. I didn’t want to participate in putting up the tree or eating cookies. I didn’t care about gifts. I just wanted to lock myself in my room. My mom looked at and said, “Googie’s got the Melancholy.”
Melancholy would become a trusted friend.
I have a friend who spent a few years on disability. She was depressed after 9/11 and couldn’t function. I judged her. I spent my whole life fighting an urge to throw myself in front of the train. But I don’t. And still I go to work, change the diapers and feed the babies. I got a friggin law degree.
But a couple of weeks ago something inside me broke. I started crying at work and couldn’t stop. I had to leave the office. I was wandering around Chinatown crying. I couldn’t pull myself together. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t shake it off. It became really clear to me how someone could drop out of life.
My therapist put me in touch with a doctor. The doctor prescribed some meds. Some things to help me sleep and something for the depression. He said it sounds like I’ve had untreated depression for a long time. The meds haven’t kicked in yet but I feel better knowing that at least there is a plan of action.
PS – I have been meaning to clean up my blogroll. A lot of blogs that I visit aren’t represented. And a lot of the blogs on the roll are no longer active. I am going to try and clean it up in the next week. But if I miss you and you wish to be added, please just let me know in the comments. It’s nothing personal. I am just pretty scatterbrained these days.