Yard Sale for Babies

This is what Jen and I have on tap: 3 embryos, 9 frozen eggs, six vials of frozen sp*rm.

What to do with them? I wanted to have a baby, and I gave birth to our son. Jen want to birth, and she had V. We know this is where we need to make a decision. Our conversations about this generally end with: let’s just sleep on it.

We both want another child. But money is tight, and we are not spring chickens. Jen will say something that makes a lot sense. She’ll point out that we like being in the city, which is expensive. She will point out that we should probably spend our money on taking care of the kids that we do have.

It’s so level headed. BUT there is always that nagging feeling that our family isn’t complete. She’ll point out that perhaps that feeling never goes away. She does have a point. I am Irish. Maybe the desire for aggressive procreation is in my DNA.

There is nothing rational about this. Why one more kid? Why any kids at all? I don’t have a good answer. And there is something else that haunts me. I had a really traumatic birth experience. There is a palatable desire to have a do over. I want to see if I could have an experience like they show in The Business of Being Born. You know, with doulas and midwives fussing over me. Lots of pain, but then an ecstatic meeting of my new baby at the end. (This is where I feel your eyes rolling at me, dear reader. Of course, I can’t just have a baby to fix a bad birth experience. But the feeling is there).

I don’t envy people with large families.  I envy the people who have their minds made up. The One and Done crowd. This might be easier if one of us wasn’t ambivalent, but we both go back and forth.

Earlier this month, I got a bill from the cryobank. I need pay storage fees for the year. It’s expensive, but I had planned to pay it. But then I thought, I could spend this money on debt repayment.

Jen and I are inching towards a decision. I have the paperwork to terminate with the cryobank printed out. I just need to fax it in.

So questions remains, what to do with all of our material? We have so much on tap we could have a Yard Sale for Babies.


6 thoughts on “Yard Sale for Babies

  1. My wife and I *just* began inseminating, and if we were further along with no success, I think it would be really nice to have other queer women offer us their extras. We are both grad students trying to imagine how we’ll afford a kid, and fertility treatments are way out of our budgets (our student insurances won’t cover any). I don’t know how you would find those lesbians at just the right stage–maybe a message-board somewhere if you are serious about the donation idea?
    Maybe they can instead use them for medical research, otherwise?

  2. Deciding whether or not to have another kid is so hard anyway, without having to factor in the implications of 3 embryos (and associated storage). It just seems so sci-fi, to know you have all that potential right there.

    (I also had a crappy birth experience. But P was a planned only – still, I did get some twinges about a second. Since P is not an easy child and I have finite resources – no. So. One and done.)

  3. Sounds like a hard decision. I hate being pregnant. First pregnancy was rough just due to exhaustion and stupidity. Second, 7 yrs later, had sucky medical problems. I’m done. DH? Not do much… He wants a little girl (like we can pick and choose). Fortunately I’m only 32 (he’s 41) but neither of us are getting any younger. I don’t envy you two the hard decision, particularly when you can choose who deals with the sucky pregnancy part – definitely the most difficult for me!

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