This is what Jen and I have on tap: 3 embryos, 9 frozen eggs, six vials of frozen sp*rm.
What to do with them? I wanted to have a baby, and I gave birth to our son. Jen want to birth, and she had V. We know this is where we need to make a decision. Our conversations about this generally end with: let’s just sleep on it.
We both want another child. But money is tight, and we are not spring chickens. Jen will say something that makes a lot sense. She’ll point out that we like being in the city, which is expensive. She will point out that we should probably spend our money on taking care of the kids that we do have.
It’s so level headed. BUT there is always that nagging feeling that our family isn’t complete. She’ll point out that perhaps that feeling never goes away. She does have a point. I am Irish. Maybe the desire for aggressive procreation is in my DNA.
There is nothing rational about this. Why one more kid? Why any kids at all? I don’t have a good answer. And there is something else that haunts me. I had a really traumatic birth experience. There is a palatable desire to have a do over. I want to see if I could have an experience like they show in The Business of Being Born. You know, with doulas and midwives fussing over me. Lots of pain, but then an ecstatic meeting of my new baby at the end. (This is where I feel your eyes rolling at me, dear reader. Of course, I can’t just have a baby to fix a bad birth experience. But the feeling is there).
I don’t envy people with large families. I envy the people who have their minds made up. The One and Done crowd. This might be easier if one of us wasn’t ambivalent, but we both go back and forth.
Earlier this month, I got a bill from the cryobank. I need pay storage fees for the year. It’s expensive, but I had planned to pay it. But then I thought, I could spend this money on debt repayment.
Jen and I are inching towards a decision. I have the paperwork to terminate with the cryobank printed out. I just need to fax it in.
So questions remains, what to do with all of our material? We have so much on tap we could have a Yard Sale for Babies.