Sometimes the lessons are hard

There is nothing like getting paid, and realizing, you don’t have enough to cover the bills. And then a second realization comes. You won’t have enough next check either.

I am working at a job that doesn’t pay enough. I knew that it didn’t pay enough when I took it. I had to make a decision whether or not to take this job in the middle of studying for the bar. I knew in my heart taking this job was a mistake. For whatever reason, I didn’t listen to myself. I turned to others to ask their advice, and when everyone said take the job, I took it.

What frustrates me enormously is that I didn’t listen to myself. Furthermore, I was given a second interview for a job I really wanted. I withdrew my name when I was offered this job.  A different kind of a person wouldn’t have turned to others to make this decision for them.

AND I tried to quit, but I let that guy talk my out of it. I swear, I think I have father issues.

I have been in AA for fourteen years. When you first enter AA, you are encouraged to check things out with other people. That is because when you are an addict your natural instincts have become self destructive. The advice is pretty basic at first. Things like:

The last time you had a drink, you ended up in the hospital. Maybe you should go to a meeting instead.


If you have a job, it’s a good idea to show up for it. Maybe you should get out of bed.

But I am fourteen years sober now. The last two times I looked to my sponsors for career advice, it’s been a disaster. I think the universe it trying to tell me that it’s time to start making my own decisions.


5 thoughts on “Sometimes the lessons are hard

  1. I know how the paycheck thing feels. It’s awful and scary, and so much more so once you have kids. There’s not much I can offer except a virtual hug.

    As for the job: you’ve got experience now, which makes you a heck of a lot more marketable than before you started this one. Is there a way you can contact a mucky-muck at the other job and take them to coffee and say, “You know, every day I regret taking my name out of the hat. What can I do to get a job here?”

  2. Thanks Juliet and EH. I have thought about talking to the other job. That job hires in classes. When I withdrew my name, the lady invited me to reapply next year. So right now, I am trying to decide if I can make it a year, or if I should apply other places once I get my bar results. So right now, I am just waiting to hear from the bar.

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