One of the hardest things about law school and taking the bar is that it eats up all of my mental energy. It used to be that when I had a problem, I would think about it, talk to people, say and prayer, and then let it go. I didn’t always make the best decisions, but I lived my life with a certain manner of care. All throughout school, and now taking the bar, I have felt like I just don’t have the space to think things through. I am sort of stumbling through life, and reacting on impulse as conditions change.
I had to make some decisions the last couple of weeks. I got an interview for my dream job at the DAs office. The interviewer told me that she would recommend me for a second interview. That was pretty exciting. But then she told me that I had to understand that the budget is uncertain. They don’t know if they will be hiring anyone. I let that sink in.
I then got offered a contract job with the state. The pay is abysmal but the girl who hired me told me that it could definitely lead to a full time position at a decent salary. The contract is for a year. The big catch, they needed me to start right away.
I talked to the Career Development Office about this. They suggested a clerkship that I should apply for, but that was just one more thing to consider with all of the other nuggets rattling around in my brain.
So I took the job. I started this job on Friday. I met my boss who seemed very nice, and my other co-workers. I thought it was telling that the other contract lawyer just graduated from Harvard. I worked an entire day and was exhausted. Then I went home, and spent the weekend with sick babies. The kids were up all night long vomiting and spitting up. At one point, I was so tired and worn down, I just resigned myself to sleeping in vomit.
Monday came around, and I decided I simply could not raise kids, study for the bar, and then work.
So I went in to quit my first legal job. After one day. And you know what? My new boss talked me out of it. That’s right. I let this man I had just met 72 hours before make a major life decision for me. Just like that. Because I am too tired to think things through. He told me this was a good opportunity and I shouldn’t walk away from it lightly. That, and I can come back in August.
So I am a state employee for now. I’m trying to not think too much about it.