First of all, thank-you everyone for your heartfelt congratulations. We are really excited. Jen is 5 weeks pregnant. She goes for her first ultrasound on Monday. We will have more details then.
So, for the first time in a long time, I lied about my sexuality. It’s really important to me that I am out. I am a little obnoxious about it. If you meet me, it is probably the first thing you learn about me. Then you will hear about my tic tax obsession.
People tell me that I don’t look like a lesbian. I disagree. I think I am exactly what a lesbian looks like. It’s another post, but femme women who smugly talk about how they pass for straight annoy me. Because fuck you. It’s not better to look femme as oppose to looking like a dyke. It is just more socially acceptable. But whatever. I have longish hair, and I have dropped a dime on French manicures, and people think I’m straight.
We had a string of burglaries in the neighborhood, and this door to door salesman comes a knockin’. He starts talking about the alarm system he is selling. But then my brain starts going, and I think “But what if you are actually the burglar? Wouldn’t this be a clever way to get into my house?” So then, he asks to speak to my husband! And I got scared. I thought if he knew that I didn’t have a husband, there would be a big X on house. X as in this is a good place to break into.
So, I lied. I said my husband was at work at the hospital until late which was partly true, because Jen is working at the hospital. But if I was going to lie, why did I stop there? Why didn’t I tell him my husband was at the morgue until mid-night? Or he was away on tour with the Drop Kick Murphys?
But I sent him away. I told him I couldn’t make a decision without my man. I need to stop reading the Christian Housewife blogs.
Update: Jen is mad at me. Not because I lied. But because she thinks the dude was actually up to no good. And I may or may not have told him that I thought our basement was easy to break into. Why or why didn’t I tell him I was married to a cop?