Jen and I just had something horrible happen

Our little dog just got hit by a car. I know some people don’t understand, but I loved that dog. She was like our little girl.

Jen had taken her out to pee. We have a little back area. For her last pee, we usually would run her out really quick. She’s always been good. But today, she went and got a hair cut (which she hates). I think she was upset and just decided to go for a run. Jen came running up the stairs and was hysterical. I knew as soon as I saw Jen that it was something about Calliope. I went running out the door and down the street. You always have that half second where you think maybe it’s going to be ok, but as soon as I saw her I knew she was dead. I went hysterical. The criminal defense lawyer who lives next door came running out to make sure we were ok. It was just awful.

And the worse thing is that I feel so guilty.  For the first few years we had her, it was 3 walks a day on a leash. But then I had the baby and things were chaotic. And then I went back to school, and I was neglecting her. We just got lazy. We would just run her outside to pee at night. I’d give anything to take her on a walk now.

I just feel like law school has taken me away from everything that is important. And my dog was important. I should have taken her on more walks, and did less studying. This has been a big wake up call for me. There are more important things than grades.

Between the car accident, not getting pregnant and now this, Jen and I have had a run of bad luck. I am legitimately scared that something else bad is going to happen.

I just can’t believe I am never going to see her again. P is still upset about the cat we put down in November. He didn’t wake up, so he doesn’t know yet. I am not looking forward to telling him

This is where I reveal myself to be the flake that I am, but I am so worried that her little soul is confused about what is happening. When my mom died, I read the Tibetan book of the living and dying. It said that souls hang around for the first 40 days after the body dies. So I said a little prayer to her tonight, and I told her how much I love her, and how happy I am that she was in my life, and that I am a better person for it. It’s time now for her to continue her journey.

One of my favorite movies is Angels in America. At the end one of the movie, the Mary Louise Parker character says, “Nothing is lost forever.” Sometimes I need my mother. And when I do, I picture her in my heart. I think about how her love formed me. She is never really gone because I am changed forever because of her.  I have Calliope in my heart too.




20 thoughts on “Jen and I just had something horrible happen

  1. Hang in there, Googs. I know how awful this is and know too that there’s little to do but go through it. It’s always easier to look back and say what you might have done differently, but you guys didn’t do anything wrong here. It’s just a rotten, rotten accident.

  2. I found you through a web search wholly unrelated to the topic, but I have to offer my condolences on your loss, and bid you and your famiy comfort and peace.

  3. How awful … I’m so sorry. I know you’re devastated. Hang in there. I know it probably won’t make you feel any differently, but I don’t think it was your fault. It was just awful luck and I’m so very sorry.

    You really have had a lot of crappy luck, lately. They say bad things come in threes so maybe you guys are out of your rut, now. Hang in there.

  4. I’m very sorry for the loss of your friend. It’s a beautiful photo. And I know it sounds trite but I’m sure she heard your goodbye and felt your love.

  5. I am so very sorry. Losing a pet is very much like losing a family member. Very devastating, especially when it is so sudden and right in front of you like that. 😦

    There are some great books out there to help kids deal with death and dying. We lost all four of my grandparents in the space of 24 months (three over 9 months) so I had to read those to Pumpkinhead. I can send you some titles if that would be helpful. (((HUGS))) to you both!

  6. Oh no. I’m so sorry.

    If it helps you breathe a little easier, they say that bad things happen in threes. You’re done with this streak of bad luck.

  7. This is the saddest news. I have a dog and I dread the day something bad happens to him or he dies. I hope you all feel better soon about all of this.

  8. Googie,

    Virg told me last night. I am sooo sorry. The whiplash of something like this–an ordinary day and then absolutely horrifying in a second or two–is terrible. And I know this is scant consolation, but if I were a dog, this is how I would want to go–very suddenly while running with the cold wind in my stylish new hairdo.

    My old dog lived to be almost 21. And I finally had to make the decision to put her down because the pain was unrelenting. And that is hard too–doing what is right for the dog but NOT right for you.

    You all will get through this and there is another dog out there who has just read the want ads and knows there is a vacancy and is even now scheming about how to get into such a warm, loving home. You watch. You can’t replace Calliope but one of her kin is headed your way.

  9. Oh my god I am so sorry. I don’t even have words- I know well how beloved a dog can be and how much a part of they family they truly are. Regardless of whether her walks decreased or she had to share your love with P, do not doubt that you gave her a wonderful home and life and she felt loved every day. I’m really so sorry, I’m about to start crying at my desk. Thinking of the three of you,

  10. Okay, I know this is waaaay late, but I read this post the other day and have not been able to get it out of my head. I am so sorry this happened to your family. Even though the condolences are late, please know that I’m thinking about the three of you and hoping your hearts are healing.

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