Get out the Cuisinart, it’s time to process

Like every lesbian, I like to process my emotions. This is something I can teach my son all about.

We were out the door to Yo Yo girl’s housewarming party, when I went to put on my favorite bracelet. I couldn’t find it. This bracelet is special to me. It’s from Tiffany’s and has a little heart locket that has “Mom” engraved on it. Shut up. I love that bracelet, and I couldn’t find it. I actually don’t know if I will ever see it again because I looked everywhere.

I think in response to my frantic energy, P started to get destructive. He was throwing train sets, and terrorizing the animals. Finally, he picked up a pumpkin and said he wanted to color. We have a lot of pumpkins around, and he is normally allowed to color them with markers. Shut up. It’s what we do. They look pretty.

I was frustrated, and I wanted to leave. I snapped at him. He started to cry, and ask for his other mother. I felt like shit. I picked him up and whipped him out the door to the car.

As we were driving, I realized I was not being a good mom.

I said, “P, mommy is sorry she got angry.”

He shoots back, “I wanted to color the pumpkin and you said NO!”

Ok, good. You know what I am talking about.

I continued, “You see, I was very sad because I couldn’t find my bracelet.”

But he interrupts me, “And then I went WAA WAA WAA!” He is making very exaggerated crying sounds. I try and explain to him again that I wasn’t really mad at him, I’m just a bitch. But he’s not interested in my side, he just wants to reenact the crying scene.

Finally, I said, “You were sad that I yelled at you.”

He doesn’t say anything.

“That’s ok. It’s ok if you are mad at me,” I tell him.

We get to Yo Yo girl’s lovely condo. There is an amazing spread of quiche and chocolates.

P isn’t remotely impressed. He assesses the situation for a moment. Then says, “There are no toys here. Let’s keep moving.” So we left (but he was momentarily detained by a chocolate cupcake). This kid cracks me up.


4 thoughts on “Get out the Cuisinart, it’s time to process

  1. Loved this post. Sometimes all it takes is letting them know you get it. Very cool.

    The no toys thing made me laugh. Reminds me of when I took my kid to the dog park when she was about that age. She had a FIT when she arrived and there were no swings or slides to play on. The dog had fun, though.

  2. Hilarious!! Wait until he is 5. Now my son is all about the drama and the processing. It’s like I’ve killed him if I skip a page in his book (darn it!) or refuse to go head to head with him on Nintendo. Ugh.

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