Like every lesbian, I like to process my emotions. This is something I can teach my son all about.
We were out the door to Yo Yo girl’s housewarming party, when I went to put on my favorite bracelet. I couldn’t find it. This bracelet is special to me. It’s from Tiffany’s and has a little heart locket that has “Mom” engraved on it. Shut up. I love that bracelet, and I couldn’t find it. I actually don’t know if I will ever see it again because I looked everywhere.
I think in response to my frantic energy, P started to get destructive. He was throwing train sets, and terrorizing the animals. Finally, he picked up a pumpkin and said he wanted to color. We have a lot of pumpkins around, and he is normally allowed to color them with markers. Shut up. It’s what we do. They look pretty.
I was frustrated, and I wanted to leave. I snapped at him. He started to cry, and ask for his other mother. I felt like shit. I picked him up and whipped him out the door to the car.
As we were driving, I realized I was not being a good mom.
I said, “P, mommy is sorry she got angry.”
He shoots back, “I wanted to color the pumpkin and you said NO!”
Ok, good. You know what I am talking about.
I continued, “You see, I was very sad because I couldn’t find my bracelet.”
But he interrupts me, “And then I went WAA WAA WAA!” He is making very exaggerated crying sounds. I try and explain to him again that I wasn’t really mad at him, I’m just a bitch. But he’s not interested in my side, he just wants to reenact the crying scene.
Finally, I said, “You were sad that I yelled at you.”
He doesn’t say anything.
“That’s ok. It’s ok if you are mad at me,” I tell him.
We get to Yo Yo girl’s lovely condo. There is an amazing spread of quiche and chocolates.
P isn’t remotely impressed. He assesses the situation for a moment. Then says, “There are no toys here. Let’s keep moving.” So we left (but he was momentarily detained by a chocolate cupcake). This kid cracks me up.