Dear Republican Party,

With McCain’s choice of vice-president, you have re-energized your base. I for one am glad, because there is nothing worse than a bunch of mopey Christian evangelicals.

She’s perdy too. And that hair! I’ve never managed to get my hair to pile on like that. Don’t listen to the liberals who point out her lack of foreign policy experience. Hunting polar bears and hunting terrorist is totally the same thing. And as you point out, Alaska is really really close to Russia. I am in Massachusetts myself, which is right next to …other states. Maybe I could become your Secretary of the Interior!

Plus she has all those kids. I’m sure she can multi-task. I hear she breastfeeds. I myself gained a lot of insight into foreign trade agreements while breastfeeding my son. That, and I got wicked good at locating the cell phone and ordering a pizza with one hand without disturbing the baby on my boob. I bet she can do that too.

Anyway, good luck to you guys. I can’t wait to see how your gun-toting, pro-life grandmother to be plays out with the swing voters. See you in November.


15 thoughts on “Dear Republican Party,

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