For many years, I dated a drug addict even though I was sober. We were on again and off. When we would break up, I would get these horrible feelings, like I was just about to fall off the face of the earth. I don’t think that these feelings had anything to do with her. I think these were old feelings from my childhood having to do with someone I love choosing a substance over me.
This whole OCI experience has been more emotional than I thought it would be. Its like all of the stress and competition and nastiness of the last year just overwhelmed me. I was experiencing a lot of the same feelings that I had when the girlfriend and I would break up. I felt overlooked, and I was getting depressed.
I had a revelation in all of this. A friend of mine said to me, “You don’t really want one of these jobs, you just want to be offered.” I chewed on this for a while.
Then, I had a breakthrough. It doesn’t matter so much whether I get one of these firm jobs. What I really needed was for these horrible feelings to stop. I stopped praying to get a job, and I have been praying for my Higher Power to remove my fear. I have been feeling much better.
My last two interviews are with prestigious firms. I don’t meet their requirements. I am not in the top 25% of the class and I am not on law review. I am not really sure why they want to talk to me.
I will go to the last two and see them as practicing answering questions under stress. I will show up for the call back. If I don’t get a job at a firm, I will try and get one in the government. If I am really honest with myself, I am way more interested in working for the DAs or the AGs office than a Vault 100 firm. It’s just the money! I made more as an administrative assistant than I would as a DA.
If none of the above works, then I will throw myself on the mercy of the CDO. Or maybe become a baker, because I make some rockin’ cupcakes.