I hyperventilate when I am panicked, and I’ve been slightly panicked over OCI. I entered into law school thinking that I will do something with the government or maybe public interest. I decided to go through the OCI process with all of the big firms just to see what would happen. I did get pick for some interviews, but not a lot. I was only chosen for four interviews, though one of them is really prestigious. I know people who went through 15, 20 or even 30 interviews, only to come up with 1 offer, so my chances of coming out of this with a job offer are not great.
I don’t know why this should be so upsetting, but somewhere along the line I decided I had something to prove. I guess I thought if I got an internship with X firm, it would prove something. To whom? I don’t know…anyone who has ever been mean to me, I guess.
I have been preparing by going to a lot of AA meetings. AA reminds me that if I align my will with the Higher Power’s things will work out just fine. There is a line in the Big Book that says that God is our Employer. And if I just remember that, I am not afraid. I can go on with my life knowing that I am being taken care of. I just need to show up, and let go of the results.
Besides, when I go to meetings, and the guy on my right just got kicked out of his half way house and the girl on my left just lost her kids to DSS, I realize, I am kind of an asshole for even worrying about this.