Who knew cookies could be so loaded

I’m baking some cookies for the July 4th cook out tomorrow with my in laws. It’s a terrific Paula Dean recipe for Oatmeal Cookies. But it’s a quirky recipe, that sometimes, for no apparent reason, just goes

And it went wrong.

They taste good, but they are just not holding themselves together. Its like I forgot an ingredient. So tomorrow, I head down to the South Shore for the cook out with the Presbyterians with substandard cookies. They are still trying to forgive me for marrying their daughter, and now I am bringing them crumbling cookies. I’m DEAD MEAT.

Why don’t I just make a Jell-O mold with marshmallows in it and really do myself in. If only they were Baptist or Methodist I could run to the store and buy something prebaked.

I used to work for the Episcopal Church. Episcopalians can be really tough, but there is a secret. Episcopal women don’t eat, at least not in public. So as long as you bring them something dainty and pretty, you are all right.

I grew up Catholic. Catholics will eat anything. Unless they are trying to pretend that they are Protestants.

I don’t know what the Mormons are like, but have you seen their strapping, healthy children? I’m sure you have, they come to your door. What are they feeding them?

But my in laws are Presbyterian. Good ol’ levelheaded Scots with cookies that always come out right. To make matters worse, my mother-in-law decided to forgo making her Oatmeal cookies because she heard I was bringing mine.

And Presbyterian women eat.

Maybe I should stop blogging and try a making a second batch.

BTW – here is the recipe.



Paula’s Loaded Oatmeal Cookies
Recipe courtesy Paula Deen

1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened
1/2 cup vegetable shortening
1 1/2 cups packed light brown sugar
2 eggs
1/2 cup buttermilk
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1 teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon ground allspice
2 1/2 cups quick-cooking oatmeal
1 cup raisins
1 1/2 cups chopped walnuts
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
Brown Butter Icing, recipe follows

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Grease 1 or more cookie sheets. Using an electric mixer, cream together butter, shortening, and sugar in a bowl until fluffy. Add eggs and beat until mixture is light in color. Add buttermilk. Sift together flour, baking soda, salt, baking powder, ginger, nutmeg, cinnamon, cloves, and allspice; stir into creamed mixture. Fold in oatmeal, raisins, walnuts, and vanilla, blending well. Drop by rounded teaspoons onto cookie sheet. Bake for 12 to 15 minutes. Drizzle with Brown Butter Icing.

Brown Butter Icing:
1/2 cup butter
3 cups sifted powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 to 4 tablespoons water
In a small saucepan heat the butter over medium heat until golden brown, stirring occasionally. Remove saucepan from heat; stir in 3 cups sifted powdered sugar and 1 teaspoon vanilla. Stir in enough water (3 to 4 tablespoons) to make an icing of drizzling consistency. Drizzle on warm cookies.
Yield: enough to ice 5 dozen cookies 
Prep Time: 5 minutes 
Cook Time: 5 minutes 
Ease of preparation: Easy


13 thoughts on “Who knew cookies could be so loaded

  1. Mormons are just awful awful when it comes to food. Or at least in my experience…
    Lots of my cousins in law are Mormons who live in Boise, Idaho. We have been to some weddings and get-togethers – generally costco fruit and veg plates, sliced meat and cheese, weird sort of canteen food, horrible store bought baked goods, just basically the worst food I have ever had.
    We catered one wedding for them- chocolate dipped strawberries, profiteroles and pasta primavera and it was like the poshest thing ever 🙂

    My fave and easy impressive thing to take to a cook out/ dinner is endives, gorgonzola and glazed nuts. Just take an endive, push in some gorgonzola the base and top with a candied nut- looks so pretty and tastes amazing! I make my candied nuts but you can buy them easily form Trader Joes.

    I’m sure the cookies taste amazing!

  2. Those look badass – heh – and I grew up Presbyterian and am willing to eat anything. I’d totally eat those cookies.

    I highly recomment the following idiot-proof recipe for peanut butter cookies. One egg, two cups peanut butter, one cup sugar. Mix by hand, roll into 1 inch balls and put in the oven for about 7 minutes at 350. They’re fantastic.

    Also – I shave my legs, too. I just wanted you to know.

  3. I used to be a Presbyterian but I was forced to convert to Methodist because the Presbies in my new town were crazy. (Like Tom Cruise crazy.) Anyway, the Presbies love that weird salad you make with marshmallows, apples and walnuts – I think it’s called ambrosia and it’s guaranteed to do it for them.

  4. If you were Jewish you could show up with a pink box from the deli.

    No reason to mess up your hair when it’s hot and svitzy.

    My kids go to school at on a Methodist campus. I think I can relate.

  5. Athiests eat anything
    Agnostics do to, but then worry about it
    Baptists would eat your cookies, but only if you battered and then fried them first.

    The cookies look great.

    I’d totally eat them.

    But then I love anyone who shows up at my house with food.

    Except the jello-molders. They hardly ever get asked back.

  6. Hey, those cookies look delicious- are you sure they went wrong?

    I grew up Catholic too. There are some great things about being Catholic, as you mentioned, we eat anything …another is that Catholics are basically the only religious people I know who take pride in drinking. To Catholics, drinking is totally 100% ok. Even Great Aunt Marge AND the priest partakes in alcohol. WOO HOO.

    Being Catholic definately fits with my law school experience- which occasionally drives me to the bottle (of course not since I’m preggo).

  7. if those cookies are wrong i would love to see them when they come out right…. yummo!

    buddhism darling, we understand there is suffering and striving for perfection is unrealistic, hehehe.

  8. I’ve lived in other countries and all around the U.S. and have been Anglican/Episcopalian my whole life. My mother was always the church choir director and now works at the church as an admin asst. Not sure which ones you met (rich society women?) but I know plenty of hungry Episcopalians. You should see the race for coffee hour treats after service! 😉

  9. I really needed this post. I just love your writing. And Paula Deen. Your cookies look yummy and perfectly presentable for Presbyterians.

    BTW, Mormons feed their children lots of corn and milk. Corn products, by products, and powdered milk. Ick.

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