It sounds like my classmates have been learning a lot on their internships. I think they have been given actual work to do while I have been sitting around like an extra on Law and Order – Petty Criminal Unit.
But I have learned some things.
If find yourself a defendant:
- Cover up your tattoos. For crying out loud, your liberty is at stake. In fact do yourself a favor and wear a suit. If you don’t have a suit, borrow one.
- Bring your mother. I think judges like that. If you don’t have a mother, borrow one.
- Bring your kids. They should be very cute, well behaved and have sad eyes. If you don’t have kids, borrow some. No, you cannot borrow mine.
- If you are Catholic – wear a rosary. Maybe pray a few decades. If you are not, forget this one.
- I strongly suspect it helps to be female if you can swing it.
If you are an attorney:
- Do Not Curse the Judge Under Your Breath. He will hear you and all of the other judges will hear all about it.
- If you are in a really difficult spot, it may help to cry – if you are a female attorney.