Jen picked me up from the Boston Library after studying there all day. I got into the car, and when I saw my son, I said what I always say, “I’m so happy to see you!” He grabbed my hand and rubbed it against his cheek and said, “I so appy to ee u!” It was so cute and sweet, and I think that is longest sentenced he has ever spoken.
I’ve been studying a lot and not sleeping much. My dreams have been just crazy. My mom died over ten years ago, and last night she was in my dream. My brothers and sisters were there too, but they were living in this really depressing, run down house. I was distraught that my mom was living there. I kept asking here if she would be ok. Then she told me she had to drive me back to the airport. We drove down the lonely Arizona highway. We kept passing statutes of Catholic saints. When we got to the airport, there were no planes there. I asked her one more time if it was ok that she was living in that dump, and she said, “Everything in this world can be worked on. You need to get back to your son.” And I turned around, and little guy was there.
When I woke up, I realized that dream was about my life. My mother wasn’t driving me to the airport, she was taking me from my past into my present. But my memories of my mom are still tainted by my resentment about all of the alcoholism in my family. She lives in my mind, but only in the dump of my resentment. But everything can be worked on. The important thing is to let go of the past, and get back to my life.
In less than 36 hours, there will be no more studying for 3 months. It’s going to be 3 months of hot dogs and swimming and swinging on swings.