I woke up the other night wanting my mother. It felt like a cold wind was blowing through me, and I had no insides, no stomach or guts to shield myself from it.
I thought this was strange, and then I realized my mother passed away 12 years ago today. By a strange coincidence, it is also my father’s birthday, so I guess it makes sense that things are hard.
I have also hit a wall emotionally with school. I was doing pretty well. I am very aware of the fact that it is a privilege to be in an environment where you are presented with interesting ideas, and get to talk with interesting people. But I really miss my old life. I miss my friends and I miss seeing lil’ guy and Jen more regularly. Jen’s been great. She couldn’t be more supportive. But I think the long hours that you end up spending alone, studying, is beginning to depress me. I am also feeling very alienated at the school. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I don’t drink, and rest of them, really really do. It’s not that I want to be more like them. I mean, I have done the drinking thing. Its more that I wish there were more people like me.
But it’s not like I didn’t know it was going to be hard. I did. I guess I just need to take it one day at a time, and get through the hard parts.