Thinking about forgiveness

Praying for it. That I may forgive those who trespass against me, and forgiveness for myself, for my trespasses. I have come to understand that it is one and the same, forgiving myself, forgiving others.

Is this a sudden conversion? No. But I am a practical girl, and right now, I need a Higher Power. Years of alcohol, cigarettes and death have not done my family any good. My family members have stories in their head, and the story justifies their actions. I have my own narrative. Meanwhile, we move farther and farther away from each other. I can’t fix this myself. I’ve tried. Literally, the harder I tried, the worse the situation became.

So I’m letting go. I’m off to my brother’s wedding in Denver. And I’m done. I’m not going to try and change anybody’s mind. I am not going to try and get anyone to see my side of anything. I don’t have a side anymore.

And I am not going to fight with anyone. Period. I don’t care if I have to get up and leave. It’s over.


PS – this is my last day of work! Yeah!


6 thoughts on “Thinking about forgiveness

  1. May you find peace in letting go. You may find that as a result of your resolution to not engage, some relationships may begin to heal. If not, at least you will begin to heal. You can only change you.

    Best of luck!

  2. First of all, congrats on your last day! I am madly happy for you & your new journey!

    And secondly, take whatever peace you need and march with it. Leave the rest behind – you don’t need it weighing you down. I love that you said you don’t have a “side” anymore.

    Good luck dear. & if you want to keep traveling, head right over those mountains to us!

  3. Okay, once again I can only comment on the reasons that I adore your blog.

    1. You are no longer willing to fight with people, period.
    2. You are quitting your job.
    3. You will soon attend law school and (I assume) become a lawyer, thusly negating bullet point number 1.

  4. Thanks ladies.

    Keri, since reading your blog, the blog An Accident of Hope and watching Big Love, I have become somewhat obsessed with Utah. I look at the pictures and wonder if it could be for real. I am definitely coming to visit someday.

  5. It’s JUST like that! Trista and I walk around town with bonnets and braids and we do as we’re told by our prophet who is borderling crazy…

    Nevermind. I can’t lie.

    It’s not quite like that. If you head way south, about 5 hours, you might see a little braid action but then you’d miss us! We’d all love a visit! Anytime!

    I heart Big Love.

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