Praying for it. That I may forgive those who trespass against me, and forgiveness for myself, for my trespasses. I have come to understand that it is one and the same, forgiving myself, forgiving others.
Is this a sudden conversion? No. But I am a practical girl, and right now, I need a Higher Power. Years of alcohol, cigarettes and death have not done my family any good. My family members have stories in their head, and the story justifies their actions. I have my own narrative. Meanwhile, we move farther and farther away from each other. I can’t fix this myself. I’ve tried. Literally, the harder I tried, the worse the situation became.
So I’m letting go. I’m off to my brother’s wedding in Denver. And I’m done. I’m not going to try and change anybody’s mind. I am not going to try and get anyone to see my side of anything. I don’t have a side anymore.
And I am not going to fight with anyone. Period. I don’t care if I have to get up and leave. It’s over.
PS – this is my last day of work! Yeah!