But as I read a lot of the responses, I couldn’t help but think that something other than these mothers’ personal regret was going on. I think many of these women are with husbands who aren’t helping them much. It doesn’t sound to me so much that they hate parenting, they sound exhausted. For some of them, I think a good night sleep and a manicure would do a world of good. I’ve really enjoyed motherhood, but I have a wife. Our division of labor is more or less even.

Childcare is sometimes hard, emotionally taxing and boring. It doesn’t serve anyone to give a false picture of what parenting entails. Actually, I take that back. I do think the romanticized picture of motherhood serves the status quo. Because if all mothers are constantly fulfilled, and all of the work is done with a smiling heart, and you don’t feel that way, then there must something wrong with you. It’s not that we live in a country that gives no support to parents. It’s not that we force mothers back into the workforce before it is physically safe and before you’ve had a chance to bond with your baby. It’s not that your husband should be doing more. It’s not that it is very difficult for a family to make ends meet on one salary, but childcare is obscenely expensive, and it’s not that we blame mothers for anything that goes wrong in the child’s life for the rest of their life. It’s just you lady. You chose to have a kid, and you should stop complaining.

But maybe it’s not you, Mom. Maybe you’ve been given a bum rap. Maybe society does owe you something. The formation of the next generation is not “nothing.” It’s valuable, unpaid labor. Maybe there are other women who feel like you do. You could organize. And start making some demands.

In the meantime, try and take a nap. And get a mani/pedi. You’ll feel a world better.

Vegan Cowgrrl

I will still be blogging here, but I wanted to chronicle my new goal.

Me: How would they know that it’s from me?

Investigator 1: That’s not the point!

Investigator 2: Is this to an attorney?

Me: Yes.

Investigator 2: Send two bullets.

(this really happened)

Doctor: 1. Do nothing and have the baby in a few weeks. 2. Have the baby tonight or 3. Go home and have the baby tomorrow.

Nurse: But we don’t like choice 1.

(Me thinking it over)

Me: I’ll have the baby now.

Nurse: You don’t want to do that. By the time they get you set up, it will be 8:00. You’ll be in labor all night.

Doctor: You should go home and get some sleep.

Me: There is no way I’m sleeping tonight.

Doctor: Have a glass of wine. We’ll see you in the morning.

So I didn’t really have a choice. I don’t drink so there was no wine. And I didn’t sleep at all. Who can sleep knowing your life is about to change?

I’ve been toying with the idea of giving up job hunting for 2012. Between my contract job and my pro bono work, I’ve been pretty busy lawyering. Maybe something will come of it – but maybe something won’t. Mostly, I’m tired of having emotional break downs over my career. I’ve worn myself out.

I’ve heard the Churchill quote, “Never Never Never – in nothing, great or small, large or petty – never give in.” He said this in a speech on October 29, 1941 in a visit to the Harrow School. It was after the Blitz. But you know, I’m not fighting Nazis. I just want some measly, poorly paid public interest job. Maybe Churchill needed to learn how to let things go.

The thing that really gets me though is that my contract gets renewed yearly. I don’t have a great tolerance for risk. I am always scared come January that they aren’t going to renew my contract in June. Plus, there are so many things that we have put on hold. We don’t want to move or take vacations until I have a job because things are so tight financially. But this just may be the new normal.

I really have started a murder mystery novel. I am pretty excited about it. I would like to put more energy into it. Becoming a writer is beginning to look like the more sensible plan.

V has just been talking up a storm. I am particularly impressed with her ability to form questions. She ask, “Mama, where are you?” She’ll point to things that interest her and say, “What’s that?”

When she sees the cat, she makes a meowing noise, “Meeeooowww” which is her word for cat.

But she had phrase that she was using frequently that I couldn’t figure out. She would point to something she wanted, and shout, “Dunk a Do! Dunk a Do!” I couldn’t figure out what she was trying to say. But she would walk around demanding “Dunk a Do!”

And then Jen dropped some knowledge on me. “She’s saying Dunkin Donuts.”

Pretty mortifying. V broadened the definition to mean anything that she liked, and desired. I actually had to stop going to D&D for my coffee. Because when the Dunkin Donuts folks see her, they just think she is so cute, and they can’t help handing her a bag of munchkins. And this is how she became so fond of the place.

Me: Before you were born, I used to go to yoga three times a week.

P: We’ll, why did you stop?

Me: Because now I am taking care of a little boy and a little girl.

P: Well, what was funner? Yoga, or taking care of a boy and a girl?

Me: Taking care of a little boy and a little girl. Definitely.

And after that, we got out the yoga mats. The little boy and I did tree pose and airplane while the little girl danced around us. And you know, it almost made up for the fact that I got yelled at in Joanne’s Fabrics today for their game of chase.

We visited Plimoth Plantation today. Hester is a member of the English Colony. Her house burned down this morning. She was distraught. She turned to a friend and cried, “I am a good Christian woman. Why does the Lord punish me?”

Her friend answered, “No one can know the mind of God.”

It’s true. God’s strength is not in communication.

Her house had, in fact, burned down. Here is a picture of it after the fire.

And here is V as the Witch of Blackbird Pond

I wanted to help out so I put on some ripped jeans and an old sweatshirt. When I get there, I see some of the other moms. But they aren’t dressed in grubs. They look pretty good in expensive jeans and shiny hair. It soon was apparent as to why. It was the husbands who picked up the shovels and pick axes and got to work. The women folk sat around chatting and minding the children.

The whole situation made me pretty uncomfortable. I was dressed to work so I picked up a shovel. But I started to feel like I was in the way. I know that this will come as a surprise to you, but I am not all that great with physical labor. So I put down the shovel and walked over to the wives. But I was a little intimidated by their shiny hair selves, and I felt kind of dumb being out there. I didn’t have a husband to cheer on. One of the woman said that women created a shadow economy. While it may seem like the men are doing all the work, the women build relationships that have economic value. The writer of this blog felt like that was a pretty clever justification for letting the men do all of the work.

Finally, I decided my contribution would be to run to Dunks and get a Box of Joe for everyone. I yelled GOOD JOB! at the men and just resigned myself to hanging out with the women.

It did make me slightly concerned about the zombie apocalypse. I could see that in a group of ten, you have 6 people with Great Ideas, 5 people contributing to the shadow economy, 3 attempting to work, and about 2 people who are able to actually get stuff done.

If the zombies brain steam restarts, that means their heart is beating, and a beating heart means blood, blood means oxygen, and I just don’t see how they are circulating oxygen walking around with all those gaping wounds…

It is not always easy to suspend disbelief.

But all of this zombie apocalypse has gotten me thinking. With all of the environmental dangers out there, I wouldn’t be surprised if humanity WAS heading towards their extermination event. And that really makes me want to get a dog. Not to give the impression that I would be nonchalant about the end of humanity. I wouldn’t. I freak out when it’s time to get my car inspected. But I do want a dog.

Jen and I lost our precious dog a couple of years ago. It was pretty traumatic. We decided that we would wait until we moved into a single family before getting another one. The four of us are pretty cramped in our little condo, plus we already have three cats. We have been waiting for me to land a permanent position before we think about moving. But I am not sure that I am ever going to get a permanent job. If the world is going to end, I really want a dog now. If, by some weird piece of karma, the dog and I survive the apocalypse, the dog is sure to come in handy. And if we both die, we’ll then at least I got to be a dog owner before I died.

I am not sure how this reasoning is going to sit with my wife. She gets kind of caught up in the details. Meanwhile, I’ve been scouring petfinder.