Waiting for Zoloft

The antidepressants are supposed to kick in this week. Needless to say, I’m looking forward to it. I was supposed to meet a friend for lunch but she stood me up. When I talked to her she sincerely apologized. She told me she’s been depressed and her mind is scattered. I couldn’t fault her for it. She got walloped going through menopause. I got walloped just being me.

My social worker says that my brain should be able to focus more once the depression lifts. I have been really paranoid that I am about to lose my job. As much as I hate it, I don’t want to get fired. We need the money and it would be really a bummer if I’m fired from my first attorney position. When I go to work I get these crazy thoughts like everyone is looking at me funny. I think people are shutting their doors to talk about how lousy I am at my job.

The thing is it wouldn’t be completely unjust if I lose my job because I can’t get myself to focus on my work. My job is dead boring and I troll the internet looking for fights. If they ever decide to check my internet use I might be a goner. So what I’m hoping is the drugs will kick in and I will be more productive. (My behavior isn’t out of the ordinary at the Agency but everyone else is union but me).

In other news I finally got a pro bono case through a bar association. I met my client last night. I am really happy to be able to help someone else and it makes me feel like a real lawyer.